I had an interesting experience in early December of conducting a service for a person who was dying, but wanted to be at their own funeral. I researched this topic and found it intriguing. I have done quite a few services where I have spoken with a dying person about their service, and then performed the service upon their death, but I have never had the actual dying person in the room when the service was being held.
It was very confronting for people to be invited to a living wake, living funeral. I found it personally very challenging myself. The service was similar to a funeral - music, poems, eulogy (delivered by the dying person) speakers and food and drink. It was in a hall not a funeral chapel and his family decorated it like you would for a party.
At first everyone was nervous and not knowing where to look, the room was very still, but it wasn't long before the sharing of stories, laughter and tears filled the room with beauty. I was deeply moved to hear his children speak so beautifully of their father. One of the interesting things I observed was that people could write beautiful stories and read them a little more calmly than a funeral as they whilst they were already grieving, they weren't at that final loss of a person, grief stage. So their heads were a little clearer. Also because they had a month's notice they were able to gather the stories, pictures and thoughts for their talk.
The dying gentleman after his eulogy paid tribute to his family and a few close friends, and charged the audience with "living their own life to the full". This gentleman was only 60 years old. He also told them what he had learnt about dying and what he thought may happen next - truly inspirational and cry worthy.
He died three weeks after this service, and only next of kin gathered in the Chapel for a private ceremony. I was asked to attend this, but they didn't need a celebrant, they just listened to a few pieces of music, laid flowers, kissed him and then went home for a private meal together. I asked them why they wanted me to come, when clearly my services weren't needed, they said they saw me as the formal chaperone of the funeral rites and wanted me to be there for the whole process of his leaving. This is something I was amazed at and simultaneously humbled by. I felt like the true "family celebrant". What an honourable profession we have.
I am still thinking through all that I learnt from him and his family, and feel blessed that I was part of this special ceremony. From my research, evidently we may be expecting some huge changes in funeral services as Baby Boomers make very clear instructions on what they want for their services. It will certainly make our profession even more interesting than it already has become.
Elisabeth O'Brien, Director Australian Celebrations Training
Hello Paul
Love the word Liferal and would love to share the following story with you.
Many years ago and going through what seemed overwhelming grief from the death of my adored husband, in a job I hated, angry children. Lack of self esteem and purpose, I had truly forgotten the essence of my being. A very dear friend sent me the most amazing gift which was a collection of cut out inspirational cards in beautiful bold bright colours, laminated and hand written.
Presented in a bright beautiful box – these were not just ordinary inspirational cards. My dear friend had written down on each of the cards my gifts and my strengths – I had forgotten these aspects of myself, and did not realise just how important I had been to this friend and things about myself that I had never really noticed but she had obviously observed. I burst into tears when I read each card – a gentle reminder of the strengths within me, the talents, and personal cards on how I had affected her life in positive ways.
It was the most heartfelt, inspirational, uplifting gift I could have possibly received at this point in my life. A gentle reminder to connect and focus on the things that were the essence of whom I am. From that day on, anytime I was feeling down in the dumps – I would read my little box of treasures.
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Yvonne (Eve) Thomas, Civil Marriage Celebrant, Gold Coast, www.marriagecelebrantgoldcoast.com.au
I am a Palliative Care Nurse in Ballarat. Part of my position is to teach and educate nurses on death and dying and the journey that it takes people on. What an incredible honour it is to be there when someone leaves this world. In my job I have seen...Read Full Story »
Jade Odgers, Coordinator, Grampians Regional Palliative Care Team
I celebrated my 42nd birthday and decided to make it a day I would remember.
My 12-year relationship that had ended 18 months earlier did not allow me to enjoy such delights.
I invited my six dearest, oldest, most-treasured friends to my home for lunch.
The table was prepared with...Read Full Story »
Helen Robinett, Director, www.imagequest.com.au
A new word in my vocabulary which I hope to use often. The Web page was truly moving, honest and reflective.
A favourite liferal experience for me occurred several years ago when I attended a 90th birthday party for a very special lady and many of us spoke and shared... Read Full Story »
Val
I really like the word liferal, it embraces wonderful thoughts of caring and sharing, and taking the time to appreciate relationships. I will certainly add it to my vocabulary.
However, I find that at this moment when I am trying to get my living wakes celebrations into the public psyche...
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Melissa Jacob, Founder, www.theceremonystore.com
For my birthday I decided to hold a ‘high tea’ at my house with some dear friends. Each was asked to bring a quote/saying that had inspired them during their lives.
The ten of us took turns sharing our quotes and why they were important to us, while munching ... Read Full Story »
Marie Farrugia, Director, www.timeforyou.com.au
A few years ago at my friend Justin’s 30th, I initiated a liferal and asked the gathering to speak about what they liked/loved about Justin and what they enjoyed about the friendship. Justin still talks about how special that moment was for him...Read Full Story »
Sarah Flenley, Operations & Audience Development Manager, www.jute.com.au
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